Shyness and College: Do I Dare Disturb the Universe?

Whenever I think of shyness, I remember this passage from T. S. Eliot's The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock:

And indeed there will be time
To wonder, "Do I dare?" and, "Do I dare?"
Time to turn back and descend the stair,
With a bald spot in the middle of my hair--
[They will say: "How his hair is growing thin!"]
My morning coat, my collar mounting firmly to the chin,
My necktie rich and modest, but asserted by a simple pin--
[They will say: "But how his arms and legs are thin!"]
Do I dare
Disturb the universe?

This is how I felt going into college. Do I dare disturb the universe?

In addition to this new world called a university, with its massively larger group of people than my high school, its enormous classrooms that are now called lecture halls or auditoriums, in addition to the seemingly unlimited options on what classes to take, when to take them, and in what order, I was, on top of all this, shy.

As a shy person, all I wanted to do was take the "right" classes, get decent grades, graduate, then get a job. Quietly, quietly, quietly. I would aim to take classes either early in the morning or later in the day, or take Friday classes, when there were less people on campus. Going to my 12:30pm class, I chose to walk a longer route than have to go through what I called "the gauntlet" of people having lunch in front of the cafeteria. I would walk staring down at the ground in front of me, looking up only to make sure that I didn't run into anybody.

By living this way, I missed a lot of great opportunities. What I didn't realize back then was what college really offered, and it wasn't only a degree. It took me years to realize it, but the answer lies in the question asked: do you dare disturb the universe?

College is the opportunity to disturb the universe. It is your best opportunity to find out anything about anything, including yourself. It is your best forum to hear and be heard, and one of the few chances in life where you will be surrounded by the most knowledgeable, open-minded people you will ever meet. Whenever you feel intimidated by a class or an instructor, always remember that the classes and the instructors are there to serve you. You paid for this, and you should get your money's worth.

But you must also put some effort at getting the most out of college, especially if you're shy.

Don't Just Sit There, Disturb the Universe through Discussion

One of the biggest ways that college is different from high school is the greater opportunity for open discussion. Your instructor isn't just someone who will feed you ideas, then ask you to regurgitate those ideas back during a test. It is your job to absorb, then digest these ideas, think for yourself, maybe come up with a different perspective or expand on the original ideas, and be able to discuss these ideas with your instructor.

If you're shy, and especially in a large lecture hall, you will have a tendency to let your fellow classmates do the talking. Don't do this, because (a) you probably won't get all the answers you're looking for, (b) you won't pay as much attention because you're not right in the middle of the discussion, and (c) time passes much faster if you're engaged in a good conversation. During a 3-hour class, (c) becomes even more important.

And if you're going to discuss, it's best to sit near the instructor, which means closer to the front of the class. If you're shy, this will be terrifying. But sitting in the back of a class that you paid for and is there to serve you is like buying a car and letting someone else drive it. You're not getting the full experience, and it's not as fun.

Disturb the Universe through Participation

Join a club, whether it's the Shy People Who've Read the da Vinci Code club, or the Shy People Who Tweak Their iPods club, or the Shy People Who Talk About Quantum Physics club. Yes, I'm being facetious, but you'll be surprised at how many shy people are in clubs, and how many of them are more shy than you. Many of these clubs have clubhouses and offices, and if for no other reason, joining them means that you have a place to hang out in between classes. A clubhouse could also be your home away from home, a place that you can sort of call your own.

Joining a club means that you will probably find yourself volunteering for (being suckered into) a group event, which will force you to interact with other people. The more you interact with people, the less shy you'll be.

Disturb the Universe through Exploration

If you're shy, you'll tend to stick to tried-and-true ways, including tried-and-true paths to and from your classes. Once in a while, do some exploration of your campus. Walk around areas that have nothing to do with your intended major. Eat your lunch under a different tree, park your car in a different space. Some classes, especially art classes, are sometimes held outside so the students can draw the scenery. Sit near the students, and if you feel like it, talk to one of them and ask what they're drawing.

If you get the chance, take a class that has absolutely nothing to do with your major, but sounds like it might be interesting. Speaking of which...

Taking the Dreaded Speech/Communication Class

It took me four tries before I was comfortable enough to stay in a speech class. The first three tries, I attended the first couple weeks, and then when it came time to do an actual presentation in front of the class, I dropped the course. My advice to you is to suck it up and just go through that first presentation. You may feel like you want to die, but trust me, you won't. After the first time you laugh in that class, everything will change. You may even like it to the point where you wish more of your classes were just like your speech class. I know I did.

Disturb the Universe in Yourself

Shyness has a lot to do with being self-conscious. As a shy person, you are conscious of your world, of yourself, of how you think other people are perceiving you. The trick is not to focus on yourself, but to take yourself out of the equation and look outward, at this new universe called college, and see what it is made of. The more you get to know your college, the less you will worry about yourself. College is like a playground for your mind, so play in it. It is an infinite resource of opportunity, and you have access to it. By discussing, participating, and exploring this new universe, you will disturb it in a good way. And in doing so, you will disturb your shyness, maybe even getting rid of it altogether.

Do you dare disturb the universe?