The Fighting Chance

During lunch today, during a very philosophical discussion, my friend blurted out of nowhere, "What are you most afraid of?" He quickly followed by saying, "I know, it's a very tough question to answer, so don't worry about not having a definite answer..."

"I actually have an answer for that," I told him. "For a while, I've been asking myself the same question, and I think I finally have an answer. What I am most afraid of is Not Being Able To Do Anything About It."

My friend smiled to let me know that he understood, and I elaborated. "I hate not having a fighting chance to do something about it, about anything. It sometimes happens in dreams, and I hate that feeling."

"I know what you mean. I totally know what you mean," my friend said.

I'm currently recovering from a bout with bronchitis. The bronchitis was so bad the first day that I spent most of the day consciously trying to breathe in and out, instead of my diaphragm and lungs automatically doing the breathing for me. One of the many things we take for granted and not even think about most of the time, breathing, all of a sudden became a struggle for me. It reminded me of when I was a kid, during the first time that I got bronchitis. Back then, I thought that I was going to die, and there was no way out. After a few times with acute bronchitis, I know that if I just keep breathing and take my medicine, if I don't give up, it'll be okay.

This past year, which will be 365 days, I have probably said "Don't worry, things will turn out okay," to somebody at least 200 times, probably more. This past year, when asked for my opinion by a client, I have probably offered 100 negative points to think about but 1000 positive points to look forward to. This past year, I have probably laughed a thousand times with someone, many of them clients. About two dozen times, I have probably said "We laugh because we cannot cry" to try to cheer up a client who's having a terrible day, after talking for a while and finally finding something funny to laugh about.

Throughout my life, I've been faced with situations that I thought had no way out. From studying for four final exams in two days while having the flu, to figuring out how to pay the property tax when no freelance work was coming in, to deciding whether or not to quit a job that sucked the life out of me, when no other jobs were available. In every case (knock on wood), I survived. If you're wondering what happened to that job from hell, during my fourth day on the job, during my fourth day of absolute desperation, a friend of mine, whom I hadn't talked to in months, called and said they had a job opening at his partner's company, and asked if I was interested. The next day, I politely quit the job from hell, drove directly to the new job (which turned out to be wonderful), and have been thanking the stars ever since for that opportunity.

No matter how much I want to give up sometimes, I do my best to figure out how to keep going. Sometimes a person will give me the extra boost to keep going. Sometimes I am that person to give someone else a boost to help them keep going. But there always, always, always seems to be a fighting chance. And I will always, always, always be thankful for this.

Giving up is the easiest thing to do. Not giving up is the second easiest thing to do.